Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
two words: eviction party
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say