my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.