i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.