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You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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