He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
