Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
