Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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