not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
