32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
