the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think i have two assholes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
