it was like eating out sand paper
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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