I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.