What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.