don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?