i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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