none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.