69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
