Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
