You smell like stripper and shame
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
