I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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