you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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