isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
