The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
