we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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