I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize