My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
