Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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