Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
