his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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