Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
