He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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