you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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