If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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