I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize