dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
