If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
