my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
