ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
