The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
