My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
