You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
