he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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