I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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