I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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