i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
