he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
