I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
