every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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