Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
