Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
