hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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