I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
