we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
