I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
