I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
