Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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