grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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