oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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