Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
