Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
