Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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