Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
