lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
